Mystery Island 07
by needtakehave
Summary: The backstory of how Cam and TJ met. Cam, being from an AU. See profile for past stories about said chars/ships.


**Fandom(s)** : Stargate: SG-1, Stargate: Universe  
**Character(s)**: AU!Tamara Johansen (Stargate: Universe), Cameron Mitchell (Stargate: SG-1)  
**Relationship(s)**: AU!Tamara & Cameron  
**Rating**: PG  
**Backstory**: Basically, we have one huge island where all our characters end up. There is a powerful player pulling them all there for an unknown (to them) reason. These are the stories of them being there and any romantic relationships they have or form there. The threads stop at different points in our storylines and then pick up right after or a bit later, continuing the story.  
**Disclaimer**: This is a PSL (private storyline) role play between **needtakehave** and **sarah_jones** on InsaneJournal. This is not meant to be normal fanfiction. It's a log of our posts in the PSL RP. Not everything we write is canon - a lot of it is altered for our RP or used with AU (Alternate Reality) characters. Please don't post nasty comments because it doesn't read like normal fanfiction or isn't completely canon.

TJ took a sip from her drink and glanced around the pub. There weren't many people there, probably because it was still early. But she had needed a drink badly. Tomorrow she would get back to Icarus and see him again. Their affair was over, but it still hurt a lot. She really didn't want to see him again, but he was her commanding officer, Colonel Everett Young. She had officially quit the Stargate program a few days ago so she wouldn't have to deal with him again, but she still had one last mission before she could start her new life. She could hardly wait, even if she really had loved to work for the Stargate program. It was an amazing job. You saw what very few people even dared to dream of. She loved it and it was the opportunity of a lifetime. But she had ruined it all by falling for her commanding officer. And he had ruined it, too, by getting involved with her, even though he was married.

TJ sighed, pushed away the thought and emptied her drink. She was about to order another one when the bartender already placed one in front of her. She looked up and the bartender gestured to her right, where a guy was coming towards her, ready to take the seat next to her. Ugh, she really wasn't in the mood for men, and besides, this one so wasn't her type.

"No, thanks," she said and pushed the drink away.

"Oh, come on, just one drink," he said smiling at her sweetly, but it looked totally fake.

TJ frowned. She really wasn't in the mood for this.

"Nice to meet you, Cam," she said. Then she bit her lip. She almost asked what he did for a living. It was the usual thing to ask after meeting someone. But honestly what did it matter? And she really didn't want to open the door to talk about her job. It would soon be over anyway.

"So, you often rescue women from unwanted admirers in your free time?" she asked instead before gesturing to the bartender for a refill.

Turning back to Cam her eyes lingered on his face. He really was handsome. She smiled, but then glanced at his hand, checking for a ring. There was none, which of course didn't mean that he wasn't married, but it was a good start.

Cam chuckled and a thoughtful look came over his face. Did he often rescue women in need of help? Hmmm... Well, he helped lots of people but not specifically women - though some of them happened to sometimes be women.

"Sometimes I end up helping women - it just ends up that way but I don't set out to do it. I have to admit though, it's a nice feeling. Course, I don't have a lot of free time, very little in fact. How about you? Do you often have trails of men following you around like a puppy?" he asked smiling as he, too, signaled the bartender for another beer.

TJ smiled at his answer. He seemed genuine, not fake at all, like the man he had 'rescued' her from.

She then laughed at his question. "Not really", she admitted. She had been too busy working to have a lot of opportunities to meet men, well men outside the military, and most soldiers did follow the rules about no dating within the ranks.

"I was too busy working, but that is going to change. I'm starting a new life," she told him, and for some reason she suddenly had the feeling that that new life could be amazing.

Cam laughed, "Sounds a lot like my life... too busy working, too busy working... always the problem. Never enough time the day is there? Starting a new life huh? How does that work? I've always wondered how people manage to do that. Personally, I can't imagine not doing what I do... That's not to say I didn't like my life before my job now of course but it was nothing but this one... Why the change, if you don't mind my nosiness?" he asked, honestly curious to know more about her. She was interesting and different from the few women he had tried to date on his downtime. They often ended up just talking about themselves endlessly. Not that he minded that- but their choice of topics was insane. One woman talked about her 10 cats and their bathroom habits. Cameron was still traumatized over that date.

She liked his laugh. It sounded lighthearted.

"I don't mind," she assured him. She didn't really like to talk about it, but she didn't mind that he was interested enough in her to ask.

"Bad choices involving a man," she admitted. "Never a good idea when you work together." She sighed slightly, but then pushed away the memories and concentrated on Cam.

"But that is past me. I am looking forward now," she stated. "And starting a new life isn't that hard. You just have to commit to it. I already quit my job and got a scholarship. I am going to be a doctor," she added, a smile back on her face.

***TIME JUMP***

Cam couldn't believe his luck. After finishing with SG-1, he'd been offered by Jack O'Neill to kinda help him out to head over the home world command on Atlantis. He was taking over a lot of Jack's job though not all of it. Mostly all the Earth stuff so that Jack would spend more time off planet.

Even Cam had to laugh at the irony of that. It seemed like he had been walking in Jack's footsteps for a long time. First with taking over the head of SG-1 and now this. Some made jokes behind his back, he knew, and said he was an O'Neill clone.

That wasn't it of course. More like, why mess with a good thing? Jack had done incredible things - who wouldn't want to follow in his footsteps?

So, he'd been on Atlantis for almost 9 months, sorting through paperwork. He was currently awaiting the new batch of SGU members to come in for a debriefing. He had read over everyone's files but one. Apparently, one file had been missing from his stack and the people who got the paperwork together had misplaced it.

He sighed. He hated being blind, so to speak.

He heard one of the crew outside talking about the Destiny crew members walking up in bodies of the SGA crew. That meant they were here and would be upstairs soon. Just as he was about to get up to step out of his office, his 'secretary' came in and handed him the file with an apology. He sighed and saved him off, flipping open the file. Before glancing now at it, his phone rang and he picked it up hoping it would be a short call so he had time to skim the last file before the SGU men and women got through upstairs to his office.

TJ walked down the corridor to her debriefing. It felt weird to be in someone else's body. It was her first time using the ancient stones. She hadn't wanted to leave Destiny, since she was the only medic they had. Of course Colonel Young had found a way around that. He had organized for her to swap bodies with a doctor, Carolyn Lam, who would be even better at taking care of Destiny's people than she was. She sighed, knowing that she still hadn't wanted to come. It was so hard to be stuck on Destiny, which was why everyone said it was great to be able to come to Earth once in a while. But TJ didn't think so. Being here would just remind her that she couldn't really come home, that she was stuck on that old crappy ship even though she should have never been there in the first place. She had been overdue to go home for two weeks. Her new life should have started already. She should have been a civilian and started her scholarship. But instead she had been late in going home and that got her stranded in another galaxy.

Pushing away those thoughts TJ headed for the office a Lieutenant gestured to, ready to get this debriefing over with. Thinking about how much her situation sucked wouldn't change anything anyway.

TJ knocked at the door, opened it and stepped in, then froze as her eyes fell on the man sitting in the office. Memories came rushing back at her, memories of them sitting in a bar together, followed by memories of how his lips felt as he kissed her, of how his hands roamed her body... She gasped slightly and quickly banished the memories that really had no place here. Cam... he said his name was Cam. Cameron Mitchell, former leader of SG-1! How the hell had she ended up in bed with another commanding officer?

Cam glanced up quickly as he heard a gasp from the door.

He frowned at the shocked look one Dr. Lam's face. He knew it wasn't her though. Still, why would a person from Destiny be shocked to see him?

Finally, he glanced down at the file.

"Are you alright, Miss..." he said, looking at the file and then trailed off, shocked.

"Johnansen... Tamara Johnansen..." he managed to get out, slowly rising from his desk.

He just stared at her, dumbfounded.

"TJ? Is that you?" he asked.

TJ was pulled out of her frozen state when he spoke. He remembered her. A rush of relief and happiness ran through her. For a moment she had wondered if he even remembered her. It was just a one-night stand after all. It hadn't been for her, not really anyway. She had promised to call him when she came back from her last job, when she was free and could start her new life. She had fully intended to do it, too. Most people would probably think he was just a rebound for her after the whole thing with Young, but he wasn't. TJ had never before felt the way she did when she was with Cam. She didn't know how he felt, but he was special to her. She really cared about him and had hoped they could be together when she came back. Then she ended up on Destiny and all her fantasies about her and Cam had been crushed. She had thought about him a lot and even dreamed about him. She knew that they could never be together however, and it had nearly broken her heart. As if the whole situation hadn't been bad enough. And now... here he was, standing right in front of her.

"Yes," she finally managed to say. Part of her wanted to run to him and throw herself into his arms, another wanted to run off as quickly as possible to save herself from more heartbreak, because no matter how he felt, this would never end like in one of her fantasies. There was no happy ending.

"Hi." She sighed, knowing that she acted stupid, but she just didn't know what else to say.

"I guess now you know why I never called," she then said before she managed to stop herself. She didn't even know if he really wanted her to call, but for some reason it was important to her that he knew that she had intended to.

Cameron laughed, unable to stop himself.

He shook his head at her, "Yeah, I guess I do," he said with another bout of nervous awkward laughter.

"I have to admit. I did wonder. I mean, we had a ..." he said trying to find the right word but unable to. Truth to be told, there was no word for what they had shared that sole night together but he still tried, and failed.

"Great night together. I had assumed you'd call like you said and then you didn't. Plus, I didn't have a number for you. I'll admit, I looked you up and found your number but... it was disconnected. I guess now I know where you've been this entire time. It's a little shocking ... I guess for both of us but... I never would have guessed you were military."

A small smile appeared on her face as he said that they had a great night. Memories threatened to come back once more, but she pushed them away. She could NOT think about that now. Then he said that he called and the smile grew bigger.

"You did?" she asked. He really must like her too, if he even looked her up.

"I honestly didn't think you were military either," she admitted. It never even crossed her mind. He sort of represented her life away from the military. How wrong she had been. "I guess that explains the whole rescuing women thing," she said a little teasingly.

"Cameron Mitchell, wow, who would have thought? You're quite the celebrity, you know." She laughed slightly. "Leader of SG-1..." She trailed off, not wanting to mention what else she had heard about him from several female colleges that had worked with him before.

He frowned at that. He didn't think of himself as a celebrity, not at all.

"Nah, I'm not a celebrity... I was just lucky that I was the one to help Jack and Sam and the others when they were in the Arctic. It could have been anyone and had it been someone else, they'd have been the one to get the job. Just the right place at the right time, no heroics involved really," he said though that so obviously wasn't true.

"Hey, sides, look at you... You get to explore other galaxies. Live in one no less. I occasionally get outside our galaxy and on another planet but I can't say I ever lived on one. See, you got me beat. Course, I can't say I'm not a little shocked. I thought you said you were going to be a doctor," he said, eyebrow raised.

TJ smirked slightly. "No heroics at all," she muttered amused. She had liked him before, but this attitude made him even more likable... which kind of made her whole situation even worse. She sighed, trying not to think about it. And she really, really shouldn't think about how much she did like the man in front of her. It would not do her any good, and besides, he was her commanding officer! They were off limits! When would she ever get that into her head... and heart?

She tried not to think about anything anymore and instead concentrated on his words. She almost snorted.

"You make it sound so... great. Have you seen destiny?" No, of course he hadn't. She would have known if he had been there. Well, he probably would have recognized her. She wouldn't have known who he was, but she was sure she would have heard if he was on Destiny. He was kind of famous after all, especially with the women.

"I was", she then said. "I finished my last assignment. I was due to leave for two weeks, but something always came up. You know how it is out there..." She sighed, wishing for about the 1000th time that she had insisted on going back to Earth when she still had the chance.

"Then Eli arrived, Rush dialed the 9th chevron, the Alliance attacked and we had to flee through the Gate, with no idea where we would end up."

He nodded gravely, "Yeah, I heard about that. I can't imagine what it's like for you. To be torn away from everything you know and love and can't come back. It's not like you're just someplace for the job with the option to visit or even quit and go home whenever you want. I'm really sorry, TJ," he said. He was, too. What he told her was the truth, he couldn't image that. Sure, he'd gone off world and sometimes they'd get stuck places for long periods of time but there was always the option to find a way back or just come home. There was never a time when he was sure there was no hope and no way home. It's not like he talked to his father all the time but he did sometimes. He knew that were there at least, that he could he wanted. His heart hurt for her and not just because she was a fellow officer but because, if he was truthful, he didn't want her to ever feel pain - he didn't like idea she must feel so alone out there, even if she wasn't really alone on Destiny.

She sighed. It was good to hear that he understood her, but that didn't really help. What might help was if he held her, or maybe kissed her... Woah, where had those thoughts come from? She wasn't even in her own body! That would be all kinds of wrong, on so many levels!

"Me, too," she said. Then she straightened up. She would not wine or cry in front of him. She didn't have break downs, and she sure as hell wouldn't break down in front of him.

"So, about this briefing... Should we get to it? I'm sure the others are already waiting their turn." The sooner they got this over with the sooner she could leave, before she did something she would regret, like throw herself at him or break down after all.

Cam gave her a confused look.

She was blowing all sorts of hot and cold.

Maybe she had decided because she was on Destiny and couldn't get home that admitting that she still had feelings for him was a bad idea. Or maybe she didn't have them anymore - even if that night had been something.

In any case, he was in charge here and she was right about one thing - they should get to it.

Clenching his jaw, he nodded, "Yes, of course. Why don't you sit down and we'll start..."

***TIME JUMP***

TJ stood behind Colonel Young, Chloe and Eli, who sat at a table, their hands on the ancient stones. They were leaving for Earth. They were still, then, a moment later started to move.

"Colonel Telford?" she asked looking at Young's body. Telford usually came here when Colonel Young went to Earth, much to everyone's dismay. He disagreed with almost everything Colonel Young did here and seemed to have made it his personal mission to change as much as he could while he was on board. It was annoying at the very least, completely ridiculous at the worst.

Young's mouth moved but the words that came out weren't his.

"Fraid not, TJ," Cam said, smiling.

He always found it downright creepy using those stones and being in someone else's body. Every time he went away and came back, his body felt strange, almost violated. Not that the person who'd been using it had done anything bad but come on, having someone else's mind inside yours? How could it not be weird later?

So he tried to do the body switching as little as possible. Unfortunately, there had been no one else to switch with Young and he had had little choice.

So, he had swallowed his reservations and bucked up. He was after all, an SGC officer.

TJ looked at Young, or better his body, with a frown. There were a few other Colonels who had changed bodies with Colonel Young before, but none of them called her TJ. They just didn't know her well enough. For a moment she wondered if the stones hadn't worked, but glancing at Chloe and Eli's bodies she was sure that they had. Whoever was in their bodies right now was busy staring at themselves in the mirrors on the table.

She blinked and brought her eyes back to Young, or whoever he was at the moment. Then her eyes widened, as she realized which other Colonel would call her TJ.

"Ca... Colonel Mitchell?" she asked, catching herself just in time. They were not alone after all and it would not be appropriate to call him by his first name. Scott was standing right next to her for example.

Cam smiled, though it felt weird smiling in this body like Colonel Young rarely smiled at all.

"Took you a second, didn't it?" he asked, his smile widening.

Looking around, he took in the room around him with interest, "Reminds me like being on Prometheus, small and cramped. Anyway, there was no one else around, well, that's the same rank that could take his place so I was called in. God, I hate switching bodies," he said absently, before his gaze came back to land on her.

God, it felt good to see her again. Their last meeting, with her in Lam's body at SGA had been... tense and not very pleasant. He'd tried not to think of her since then but had failed miserably. Now, seeing her here, and this time in her own body. He felt ... happy and other things. It was the 'other things' that had him getting up and walking away from her, his back towards her. He didn't want to humiliate himself, or anyone else. He had to remember, he was in charge here.

TJ couldn't help but smirk at his comment. Oh how she had missed him. She couldn't even really see or hear him, but it was as if she could. She remembered every inch of his face as well as his voice. She didn't need to hear his voice to be able to imagine how he would say the words, but she longed to hear his voice anyway, to see his body, his face.

Pulling herself together she pushed those thoughts away.

"Welcome to Destiny, Colonel" she said quickly, then turned to her left. "Colonel Mitchell, this is Lieutenant Scott," she said, introducing her college.

"Nice to meet you, Sir," Scott said. "It is a pleasure to have you on board."

TJ smirked slightly. It seemed that Scott was just as relieved as her that Telford wasn't here. On second thought however... maybe Telford would have been better after all... better for her and her fragile heart for sure.

"Would you like a tour of the ship?" she asked, unable to stop herself. She knew Scott had been about to ask the same, but for some reason couldn't help but jump in. She knew it was stupid, knew she would regret it later, when she would miss him more than ever, but she just couldn't help but want to spend every second she could with Cam.

Cam cleared his throat, "Of course. That would be great. Why don't you give the tour of the ship and Lieutenant Scott can show the man and woman that came with me the science lab which I assume you have? They are scientists and really wouldn't be interested in a tour."

An amused smirk appeared on TJ's lips at Cam's words. Of course the scientists would only care about getting their hands on the ship and its technology. What amused her even more however was that Cam didn't introduce them or even seemed to know their names. Typically military. Cam seemed to be one of those not really interested in science and the people who were crazy about it. She knew the type.

Scott nodded and gestured to the scientists, not too happy about his assignment. He wasn't thrilled about scientists either, except for Eli. Eli was different.

"This way," Scott said.

TJ waited until they left, then turned to Cam.

"You have no idea who they are, do you?" she asked teasingly as she gestured to the door. Then she noticed that they were alone and it occurred to her that Cam had just gotten rid of everyone else. Did he want to be alone with her just as badly as she did?

Cam shrugged, "I know they are really scientists. After that, not really, no. Like I said, this was an unplanned mission for me. Normally I'd have all the details but I got asked at the last minute. Well, asked, told, whatever. Besides, if they are anything like Daniel, they just want to have their nose in a book," Cam said with a smile before turning back to TJ where his smile widened further.

TJ looked at him, not too happy about what he said. She had kind of hoped that he wanted to come, maybe even that he had made it happen. He knew where she was after all. If he wanted to come see her he could.

"I'm sure they prefer to have their nose inside the Destiny," she told him. "That's the kind of scientists we need here. Preferably someone who miraculously figures out a way to get us home, or at least manages to get us full access to the ship."

She then gestured to the door. "How about that tour?" Not staying alone with Cam in this room would be a good idea.

Cam pushed his hand against the door so it slammed shut. Then he turned towards her, "Why don't we just say that we took the tour?" he asked, his eyes light with meaning.

TJ's eyes widened as he closed the door, basically shutting them in together.

"Cam," she breathed silently, her voice barely above a whisper. Then she glanced away from him, swallowing uneasily as all kinds of emotions rushed through her. This really was NOT a good idea. Being alone with him brought back memories once more, memories she constantly tried to forget.

"I don't think this s a good idea."

"So, what, we should go walk around Destiny, chatting about nonsense that neither of us cares about, just so we don't what? Talk? Like adults. Like how once you saw it was me on Atlantis you turned yourself to ice like that night never happened? Like I was just another man in the military?" he said, sharper than he intended but inside he was hurt, more than he'd admit and seeing her again, like this, and again her trying to shut him out - hurt all the more.

TJ's head snapped back to him, surprised about his words, about the way he said them. He sounded angry and... hurt. Her heart started to ache. She never meant to hurt him, to make him feel like the night they spent together didn't mean anything to her, when in fact it meant everything.

"I...," she started, unsure what to say. "Of course you're not just another man, Cam." He had to know that, right? No, he probably didn't. They didn't really know each other, did they? They spent one evening and one night together. Of course he had no idea how she felt. And he was right, she had shut down when they met again, had tried to protect herself from being hurt even more.

"You're everything I want," she admitted suddenly knowing that it was true. She didn't just want to be able to go home, she wanted to be able to go home so she could be with him, really be with him in their own two bodies.

"But it doesn't matter what I want. It isn't possible. Even if you feel the same way I do... I'm stuck here. We can't be together." She sighed, looking down. There it was again, that dreadful all-consuming feeling that nothing was right in her life anymore. She had managed to push it away so far, had refused to think about her situation too much, about how everything she wanted had been taken away from her. But now that she had admitted it to him and herself she didn't know how to go on.

Cameron started pacing before her, agitated.

"Don't you know TJ," he said, stopping to look at her, before starting to pace again, "That you gotta fight for what you want. That even when it seems like all hope is lost, when there is no way to get whatever it is you want, you can't give up, you gotta just keep fighting. Isn't that what this is all about? Going through the stargate, traveling to different planets, etc... It's all the unknown, about the impossible. So, you're stuck here. So you can't go hope. So it's impossible. Well, you just find a way to make it possible. May not be today, or tomorrow or a year but somehow, sometime, it will happen - if you don't give up."

TJ stared at him. He made it sound so simple. And in a way it was. She didn't really have a choice. There was giving up and there was fighting. She knew that, it was why she hadn't broken down already, why she was still alive while so many others weren't.

"I'm not giving up," she said. "I'm just... trying to make this not even more painful than it already is. Being with you but not really being with you... that makes it harder." She sighed, frustrated.

"And trust me, this..." She gestured around. "Is hard enough." It wasn't just that she was so far from home, it was the whole situation. There was always something else: not enough air, not enough water, parasites in the water, no food, no power... and people dying, there was always someone dying, someone she couldn't save. All of it was awful enough without adding her own longings and wants to it.

"It is that simple, TJ. I'm not saying it would be easy - because easy is an entirely different thing. But simple? Yes. Fighting is why some survive and some don't. I know you're a fighter. I saw that the first time I met you when I walked up to in the bar. The difference is, is that you may think you're fighting but what you're really doing is waiting to die. You think you haven't given up, but instead of taking the good moments, as rare as they are, and enjoying them and then when it's bad, you remember them, you keep them with you, you make them the things that get you through the dark and the cold, you're just avoiding it all, avoiding me, waiting to die. I've seen it a hundred times, people who live when others die, who think their living, but they aren't - they just exist and you know what, TJ? That's worse than if you had died," he said, shaking her, before he stopped suddenly. He hadn't even realized he'd walked over to her, let alone put his arms around her shoulders.

He took a step back and took a breath, "I'm sorry."

His words were hard, but they made sense, didn't they? They weren't true though, not entirely. She wasn't waiting to die. She didn't just exist. She would not let herself just exist. What would be the point in that?

She hadn't even realized that he was shaking her, hadn't realized how close he was until he stepped back, until she lost that contact to him. Suddenly her whole body seemed to protest.

"Don't be," she said quietly as she stepped towards him, not being able to resist the urge to be closer to him.

"I think... I think you're right." Maybe she should take the good moments. They might not be perfect moments, and they would be rare, but they would be better than nothing. They could get her through this; get her through the bad times, when she would miss him horribly. And besides, she wanted to stay away from him so being separated from him wouldn't hurt even worse. But how much worse could it get? It already hurt so much. Maybe being with him would even help? Him being here right now helped, didn't it? Even when he practically yelled at her he still made everything better.

"I don't want to just exist," she admitted looking up at him.

His hand reached out and trailed down her cheek.

"So soft... I don't want you to just exist either. I mean, if you do that, when you do get home, you'll be a shell and how will we ever be together if you're just a shadow of the woman I knew, of the woman I..." he said, trailing off. He didn't love her, did it? He couldn't. They'd had one night. You didn't fall in love in one night... right?

When he touched her cheek a shiver ran down her back. How did he do that? How could he do that now? He was standing in front of her in the body of another man, the body of her former lover no less, and still he had the same effect on her that he did when they were together on Earth, an effect Young never had, not to this extent at least.

"You what?" she asked as her hand closed over his, holding him close to her. Could it be that he felt the same way she did? By his actions so far she could tell that she meant something to him, that he did want them to be together, but did he actually feel what she felt? Did he feel the same kind of connection?

He shook his head, staring at their hands.

"I don't know really, to be honest, TJ. I mean, we can't love each other, right? We had that one night together and very little since. You can't fall in love in that short a period of time... can you?" he asked her, hopeful yet hesitant.

"I don't know, Cam," she admitted. "Maybe you can, maybe not. Does it really matter? All that matters is that we feel the same, right?" She was sure that they did. What he said and asked was exactly how she felt. What she felt for him felt like love to her, but reason told her that she couldn't love him because she didn't really know him.

"Maybe it is love, maybe it is something that can turn into love. We don't need to label it right now, do we?" She smiled slightly. "We have time to figure it out." There wasn't much else to do around here anyway, besides trying to stay alive.

He nodded, "No, we don't need to label it. There is time for that," he said just before there was a knock at the door behind him.

He sighed, "I bet it's that Scott fellow come to tell me the scientists want to go home now and that I need to go," he said, whispering the last almost with heartbreak.

***TIME JUMP***

TJ paced in her room. Young was about to go to Earth, which meant that Cam might be coming to Destiny in exchange. If he did she would have to tell him. She had put it off too long already, hadn't told him before she went to that planet for the past weeks. There she finally told people, thus forcing herself to admit that she really was pregnant. Now that she admitted it to herself and other she needed to tell Cam as well. He deserved to know. But what if he wouldn't want a baby... and what if he did? He might never be able to hold his child in his own two hands. The whole situation was hard enough for him. She knew he was strong, knew what he had told her. He was a fighter and would never give up hope. Still, she knew he silently suffered; too, she was sure of it. Maybe he would be better off if he didn't want the baby and left her. He could have a normal life and relationship on Earth, be with a woman, and start a family, with people that were not galaxies away.

Sighing TJ sat down on her bed, her right hand resting on her stomach, which still was almost flat. Maybe she should spare Cam all of this. This was her last chance. Maybe if she drove him away now he would make sure he never came back to Destiny. He would never have to know. He could move on and be happy. She could be the only one who continued to suffer, because she had no other choice. He did. But could she do it? Could she drive him away, when he meant everything to her? And what about what he wanted? He would want to know, wouldn't he?

Maybe it wasn't Cam who would come. Maybe it was Telford. She might not have to make a decision yet...

Cam had been anxiously awaiting going to Destiny.

Weird, he knew, since everyone around him knew he hated body traveling.

Still, he hated it but at least he got to see TJ, maybe not in his own body, which did make him feel uncomfortable but at least it was something.

After switching bodies, he took a second to get his bearings. Though he was told there were no side effects, he always felt like throwing up afterwards.

Standing up, he asked one of the soldiers where he could find Tamara. Having his answer, he thanked the man and started walking through the ship.

TJ was just starting to think that Cam wasn't coming after all when she heard footsteps coming closer, followed by a knock.

Maybe it was someone else? She wasn't sure what she hoped. She longed to see Cam, even if she wouldn't really see him. But she still hadn't made up her mind what to do if it was him.

She walked to the door slowly, and then opened it. It was him. No one else in Young's body would come to her room first after arriving here.

"Hi," she said, the hint of a smile appearing on her face. Then she pulled the door open wider and stepped back, before walking to the other side of the room nervously. She had to tell him. She couldn't just not tell him! If she were him she would want to know, wouldn't she? No matter how hard it would be, she would never forgive him if he didn't tell her.

Cam walked into the door, closing the door behind him.

He propped himself up on the far side of the wall and crossed his arms, watching her pace back and forth, looking as nervous as he'd ever seen her.

"You okay?" he asked, worriedly. Maybe she hadn't wanted him to come. But that couldn't be true, could it?

Hearing his voice she jumped slightly, and then spun around to face him.

"There is something I need to tell you," she started, and then swallowed. This was her last chance. She could break up with him now and probably do him a huge favor. Probably... probably just wasn't good enough!

"I... I'm pregnant," she blurted out before she could talk herself out of it again. Then she looked down, her fears of his rejection coming back. She had made her decision and told him. Now it was his turn. What if he didn't want to be a father? A father of a child he might never actually be face to face with, on top of that.

Cameron stared at her, stunned.

He could have imagined her saying many things, both terrible and happy, like they'd found a way home or she had a terminal disease - many things but that was not one of them.

He swallowed hard, shaking himself to force himself out of the stunned state he found himself in.

Staring at her, he watched the way her chest moved as she took in a breath only to let it out.

The way her breasts raised and lower - breasts he'd touched. Breasts that would one way become full with milk for their child. Theirs.

As in hers and his.

"I'm going to be a father," he said, and with a huge exhale, took a seat in the chair in the corner before he fell down. He didn't think Young would appreciate a concussion when he came back.

TJ watched him closely. He looked surprised and shocked. Well, who wouldn't be in his situation? At least he didn't ask if it was his. That was something, right?

"Yes," she said her voice shaking slightly as she waited in anticipation for any kind of sign of how he felt about it. She didn't even know if he liked kids or ever wanted any.

He wanted to rush to her site and spin her around in glee.

Sure, he hadn't planned on having any kids anytime soon but hey, you just couldn't plan for everything.

What stopped him for doing just that was the fact it was starting to sink in that she was on a ship in a different galaxy with no way home.

Oh sure, he always knew that. Hadn't they just talked about it the other time he was here? No, it wasn't that generally. It was the fact now something important, beyond their own relationship, was in the balance; his child's life - one he'd never really see except through another man and never often enough. He'd miss basically everything. Plus, living on a ship with no other kids, what kind of life was that for a child who would become a teenager?

He was torn between happiness and complete and utter horror.

Taking a breath, he set his jaw and got up. Going over to her, he squatted in front of her and took her hand in his. Tilting her head up with his finger under her chin, he looked deeply into her eyes.

"We'll make it work," was all he said, as if that said everything.

TJ watched the emotions run over his face, never quite sure what they meant. Part of her wanted to yell at him to finally say or do something; another dreaded what he might say. Then he finally moved.

"We'll make it work."

With that statement she knew that it was hard for him. The situation sucked, but he was going to stick around, which meant he wanted the child. Otherwise he could just walk away. It wasn't like sticking around for the baby's sake and doing the right thing would do any good with him being on Earth. The only reason he would say those words was that he wanted them to be a family but knew it couldn't be in the way he wished it was.

"I'm sorry," she said wrapping her arms around him and pulling him close.

"And yes, we'll make it work... somehow. We'll find a way to come home to you. I know we will. Never give up, right? I'll kick Eli and Rush's ass if I have to make them figure this out." It was her time to help him through this now, she knew that. It was all hard on her, but for the first time their situation was harder on him than her. She could be with the baby all the time. He couldn't. It was as simple as that.

"I'm sorry."

He nodded, wrapping his arms around her and pressing closer.

"I'm sorry too. For both of us. But hey, look at it this way, this will give you a reason to not give up hope, right?" he said, in joking way as it was entirely a sad situation.

"Bad joke," he said, giving her 'what can you do?' smile.

"Right. We'll make this work," he repeated, this time more to himself than her. Like if he said it often enough, he'd start to believe it.

She smiled slightly at his words.

"I'll never give up." She wouldn't for her own sake, but even if she might, she would never give up now, for his sake. She'd do anything for him. It scared her a little how much she felt for him, even though they still hardly knew each other, but she also enjoyed it. Having him was what kept her sane through all of this.

"We will," she agreed, a bit more forcefully, as if by saying it she could actually make things better.

She then gently touched his face. It wasn't really his face, but in that moment she didn't care. She knew what he looked like and in her mind she saw him.

"I love you." She no longer cared if it was too soon, if she shouldn't love him already. She did, with her whole heart. And maybe hearing it would make this mess a tiny bit better for him.

Then she leaned in and kissed him.

He gasped not because she kissed him but at the shock of her pronouncement. He pulled back, taking her hand, "God, I love you too. And you're having my baby," he said, getting up and pulling him to her, spinning her around a few times.

Yeah, so okay, he had decided to go with the happy option. Better than sitting here being depressed.

A child was a miracle, something to be celebrated, wasn't it? Wouldn't it be an insult to their future child not to be happy about it, no matter the circumstances?

His statement made her smile widely. Then he pulled her in and spun her around. She laughed, all her worries forgotten for a moment.

"Yes, I am," she said grinning. "But if you don't stop this I'm going to be sick." She still grinned, so he knew she was teasing, but it was also true. She had felt sick a lot of times lately. It was better though, since she went to the planet. The healthy food they found there helped.

"So, any ideas for a name?" she then asked suddenly. Who knew how much time they would be able to spend together. Better start with the planning right away.

It's been almost 9 months. In only a short few months, his child would arrive. He carried mixed emotions ranging from terror to sheer happiness. He never could decide which one to go with on a permanent basis.

Then, the unthinkable happened; Destiny had been invaded.

He'd gone on a rampage, demanding from every top official he could find, including O'Neill to send him over but of course, no one would - it was too dangerous. He had climbed the walls for days,

As bad as those days had been, the terror for TJ and their unborn child, it was nothing compared to the terror he felt when Jack personally came to him and told him that TJ had been shot and went into early labor.

If he'd been on the warpath before, it was nothing like now. Luckily, Jack managed to make Cam realize they weren't going to hold him back this time - that they'd gotten control and he could go switch bodies now and be with her.

It didn't take time any time at all after that. He raced through the halls to the ancient stones.

After switching bodies, he ran all the way to the med bay.

As he paused at the doorway, he eyes searched the room till he found TJ in the bed, "TJ?" he called out, almost uncertain, suddenly afraid it might be worse than he had originally thought.

TJ lay on a bed, drifting in and out of consciousness for... she had no idea how long. The events of the past days were replaying in her head. They had been invaded and things went from bad to worse when she was shot. She didn't remember much after that. When she woke up again for the first time she thought the worst had happened, until Dr. Keller assured her that her daughter was fine. A daughter! Now she was waiting for them to bring her to her. And Cam... why wasn't he here? Wouldn't they let him come? Had something happened to him? Surely she couldn't be that unlucky?

Someone suddenly called her name. Somehow she knew without a doubt that it was him. It wasn't his voice of course, but for some reason she could still tell.

"Cam?" she asked her voice hoarse.

Cam rushed to her side, taking her hand in his.

"Are you okay? How is it?" he asked, swallowing hard, his eyes traveling from her head to her feet.

Then his eyes jerked back to her stomach which was now flat.

It felt like time stopped, along with his breathing. His face paled and his mouth felt like cotton.

"You... lost it," he whispered, feeling as if he was being ripped into two. Sure, he'd been happy about the baby, though the circumstances couldn't be worse, but to lose it? He realized he'd wanted it more than he knew, now that it was gone.

TJ smiled slightly when he took her hand. He was here, and he was safe. That was all that mattered.

"I'm okay," she said though her voice sounded weak.

She was still trying to fight off the drowsiness when she heard his words.

"You... lost it."

TJ's eyes fluttered open and the drowsiness seemed to vanish as she heard the pain in his voice.

"No! Cam, she's okay."

At that moment Dr. Keller walked up to them, a tiny baby in her arms.

"Yes, she is. She actually got through this ordeal better than her mother." She smiled. "Lucky kid. You want to hold her?"

Cam swallowed hard, eyes moving to hers when she said she hadn't lost he baby, that he'd been wrong.

My god, but he'd never been so happy to be wrong before.

Then Dr. Keller came talking into the room with a tiny, itty bitty baby in her arms.

Smiling at the doctor, he took the little girl from her arms and into his own.

She was so tiny, so beautiful and his.

"She's so small and beautiful - like her mother. God, TJ, I can't believe we made this..."

A smile appeared on TJ's face when Cam took their daughter, their little Hope.

"I'm glad we did," she said, feeling happier than she had in a long time. Seeing her daughter she couldn't imagine anymore how she could ever have felt like getting pregnant was horrible. It was amazing. Hope was amazing. She reached out with her hand and gently touched her daughters. Then she looked at Cam happily.

***TIME JUMP***

TJ sat in a chair watching her daughter sleep, her thoughts in uproar. She had ALS. Of course she did, and of course there was a cure but they didn't get it. Why would she ever get a break and be lucky? Whenever something good happened something way worse came along and beat her down again. She had quit the Stargate Program, but too late. She met Cam, but got stuck in another galaxy and couldn't really be with him. She got pregnant, had an amazing daughter but would not be able to see her grow up. She would die. It wasn't fair! It wasn't fair to her, wasn't fair to Hope and especially not to Cam, who was so far away and would not be able to do anything. He couldn't help her and would not be able to be there for Hope afterwards. She knew it would kill him. That they almost made it back to Earth, but didn't have taken its toll on him already. They were so close. Telford had made it back, but no one else. Cam waited in front of the Stargate for them and they didn't come. Of course he said they would find another way, that they wouldn't give up hope, that they would fight, just like they always had, but it was harder than ever. And now this. How could she tell him? How could she do this to him? How much more could he take?

Tears started to run down her cheeks as TJ finally couldn't hold it in any longer.

Cam had switched with Rush again to be able to go visit TJ and his daughter, Hope. She was growing up so fast. Next thing he knew, he'd blink and she'd be a teenager.

He watched TJ from the doorway, her back to him, sitting in the chair, rocking back and forth. He watched her watch their daughter who looked to be sleeping in the makeshift bassinet.

"Sleeping beauty, that's what she is," he whispered, so it didn't startle TJ or take the baby.

TJ almost jumped out of her chair startled, and then quickly wiped away her tears, trying to hide the evidence of her breakdown. She didn't think Young would say something like that, so Cam must have switched bodies with him again. He really had bad timing. She didn't want him to see her like this. It was bad enough that she would break his heart; she didn't want to do it crying. She had to be strong for him.

Cameron was concerned when she turned away from him after she got up. She must know he was him, the real him, right?

Then he saw a glimpse of tears as she was turning away and his jaw clenched.

"What's wrong, TJ?" he asked, taking her by the arm and pulling her around into his arms and against his chest.

"Why are you crying, baby?" he asked, his lips against her hair.

He'd thought she'd be happy to see him, not crying.

Hearing his words almost broke her heart. She couldn't do this, couldn't tell him. She would only hurt him. He didn't need to know, not now. There was still time. He could still be happy a while longer and maybe they would even find a cure. They were searching Destiny's databases. There could be something in there. Or they'd fine Novus survivors. They would have taken their medical knowledge with them. There was hope...

Leaning into Cam's embrace she wrapped her arms around him.

"It's n..." She almost said nothing, but that would be a lie. "It's not important right now, and it'll be fine." She said, wishing that her words would make it true.

"Now I'm just happy that you're here."

Cameron frowned down at her. Something was the matter, he knew it.

"Are you sure?" he asked, not about her being happy to see him, but nothing being the matter and her being fine.

She didn't seem fine.

He tilted her chin up, "What wrong?"

TJ sighed. She hated keeping something from him, hated not telling him what he wanted to know. Since they were together she had been able to tell him everything. There were no secrets between them. How could she keep something so big from him now? She wanted to tell him. Talking to him always made things easier, and it was all they really could do. Talking was kind of their thing, since they both felt that it would be wrong to do 'other things' while one of them was not in their own body. If she stopped talking to him now, what would be left of their relationship, what would be left of them? She would kind of take what they had away from him even sooner, wouldn't she?

"Cam, I... I found out something a few days ago, something about me." She sighed again and let go of him.

"Maybe you should sit down."

Cam frowned, taking a seat in the chair she had left.

He took a deep breath before saying, "Okay, I'm sitting down. Lay it on me."

What could she possibly have to say about herself? She couldn't be pregnant again - they didn't have sex. What else was there really?

TJ took a deep breath, trying to keep her face blank. She couldn't break down now and it was too late to back out now.

"I... I have ALS," she said, then waited, watching his face to see his reaction. Did he even know what it was? She was a medic, so she knew. Would he? Maybe he wouldn't, or he at least wouldn't know how bad it would get.

Cam searched his memory, trying to remember if he'd heard that before.

Not that he could remember though but it had to be something, some kind of disease or something the way she said it.

He frowned, "Okay, so, what? It's some kind of disease? Surely there has to be a cure, I mean, with all the Stargate knowledge and cures and stuff from other planets. We have a whole database full of it."

"There is no cure, not on Earth," she said. They never found one.

"We haven't found one in Destiny's database... yet. But we aren't giving up. There is still so much we haven't been able to look at since we managed to access it." She tried to sound positive, even though she knew there was no way of knowing if the Ancients even could get ALS.

"There are people in this Galaxy who found a cure, but their planet was destroyed before we could access their medical database. Some of the people left the planet years ago. Maybe we can find them in time. I'm sure they would have the information we need to make a cure." Again, she tried to sound hopeful, to make this whole situation at least a tiny bit easier on him.

He frowned before lurching to his feet to pace.

"There has to be a cure!" he said, though not really to her.

"I'll ask Daniel - he has to know something, he was an ancient at once time. Besides, he's a scientist - he can find it. I know he can. He has to!" he said.

Cam swung back around to her, "What, you're just going to die? You can't die TJ, you haven't made it back yet and Hope... who will raise Hope? I can't do it and..." he trailed off as anger and pain became too much.

Swallowing, he went to the wall and slammed his fist into it, blooding his knuckles but he barely felt a thing because of the intense pain in his heart.

"You can't leave me," he whispered, still facing the wall, palms flat against it.

TJ's eyes were fixed on him as he processed what she told him. When he jumped up and started pacing she waited, giving him space.

Hearing his words her heart seemed to shatter into a thousand tiny pieces. She wanted to tell him that everything would be okay, wanted to promise that they would find a cure, but he'd know, wouldn't he, that they were just words, words and wishful thinking. Still, they couldn't give up hope. They were fighters. They wouldn't give up; they never had and never would. She wouldn't let him give up.

Walking towards him she placed a hand on his shoulder and with the other gently took his bleeding hand into hers.

"I won't, not without a fight," she promised. "There is a cure, we know that much. We'll just have to find it." She leaned into him, resting her cheek against his shoulder for a moment.

"Right... we just have to find it. Damn, Young is going to be pissed when gets back," Cam said, looking at the hand.

Looking into TJ's eyes, he asked one of the hardest questions ever, "What if we don't find the cure? What then - for Hope?"

He hated asking it, but they couldn't be those type of people who always say it's going to work out, going to be okay, and never plan for the possibility it isn't and then when it's not okay, and someone dies, their kids are left with nowhere to go, no one to take care of them because their parents were in a dream world all the time."

"He'll understand," TJ said. She had no doubt he would. By now she and Young had managed to leave the past behind and had started to become friends, plus she was his team member and they all had become like family on this ship. She was pretty sure Young would completely understand the urge to hit a wall.

At his question she swallowed. "Hope will be taken care of. We're like a family her. They are always here for us, even now. They might even fight over who gets to keep her," she said in a lousy attempt at making a joke.

"Chloe and Scott would make good parents, or Eli." They even did, in that other reality.

He nodded at her answer though it didn't mean much to him.

Yes, he knew the bios of the crew members, since he came here often enough and was in charge when he was here.

He saw them at various times while on the ship or sometimes if they needed him to handle something while here and in command.

But really, he didn't know these people, any of them and couldn't say who would make good parents or not.

Then he looked at her with a look of panic, "What about me? Would I still get to see her?"

Maybe they wouldn't want him to visit anymore, if TJ really died, though God knew he was hoping what they'd said was true - that they found the cure and she lived but if not...

TJ wrapped her arms around him.

"Of course you would," she said. There was absolutely no question about that. "They all know you're her father. They would never keep her from you. And I'm sure they'd all love to get to know you." Maybe she should make sure they did. And it would be good for Cam to get to know them, let him see that he could trust them.

"I think I shouldn't always keep you all to myself when you're here. How about we go meet some people." It would probably do him some good. Someone else might be able to cheer him up better than she could right now. Eli... he would manage it with one of his cheeky comments, or Greer with his grumpy military attitude. "Come, let's get your hand bandaged up, and then I'll properly introduce you to my... family."

***TIME JUMP***

Cam had been told about the rash of attacks on Destiny when they went to get supplies or recharge Destiny with a sun.

Young had needed to come over for a debriefing because apparently they were all going into stasis pods. He hadn't been able to get too many more details beyond that since time was sensitive. So, he would go and ask TJ.

Switching over, he walked into TJ's room where she seemed to be packing, though for a stasis pod, you wouldn't need clothes.

"What going on? What do they mean you're going into a pod? What if it doesn't work and you and Hope die?" he demanded, feeling helpless as he always did.

TJ turned around when she heard him.

"Cam," she said, a small smile appearing on her face as she rushed over and hugged him.

"We're not going to die. The stasis pots are perfectly safe. Rush and Eli both examined them thoroughly," she told him, while holding on to him, as if she feared that he might disappear and slip away from her forever. And he might... if things went wrong, if Eli's calculations were even a tiny bit incorrect they would not make it to the next Galaxy in 3 years, as planned. If things went wrong they would lose power, come out of FTL early and drift the rest of the way to the next galaxy, making their journey about a thousand years. It wouldn't affect them in their stasis pods. They would have enough power left for them. But by the time they woke up everyone they knew on Earth would be long gone and dead, including Cam. She might lose him forever. The thought scared her more than anything had ever scared her. Now she knew how he felt when he found out about her ASL. But at least he would get to live a healthy life on Earth, not die a horrible death like she was still facing, especially since leaving this Galaxy behind also meant leaving behind the only people they knew had a cure for ALS.

She sighed, trying to push away all negative thoughts. She could still sulk after Cam left.

"We are attempting an early jump to the next Galaxy, which is rather far away. We are going into FTL in a few days, which means there will be no more stops for supplies. Destiny can make it to the next Galaxy, but we couldn't. So we are going into Stasis pods," she summed it all up briefly.

"We'll reach the next Galaxy in 3 years..." Or a thousand, she added in thoughts, not sure if she should tell him that. But she knew she had to. He would find out eventually anyway. The SGC knew. "... If everything goes as planned."

"If everything goes as planned... that sounds so reassuring!" he yelled, lying through his teeth.

He sighed and sat down, "If not, what? You wake up a lot later and I'm already dead. Well, nothing better go wrong then."

TJ sighed. She knew how he felt, knew that it was not reassuring at all. The whole situation sucked, just like always. She wished she could say or do something to make him feel better. But she couldn't. There was nothing that would make this better.

"I'm afraid so," she said silently. He had figured that out all by himself. She wasn't really surprised. He worked for the SGC; he knew how things like that were. If someone calculated something wrong in their line of work it usually didn't result in small consequences, it ended in huge ones.

"Yeah, nothing better go wrong," she agreed. She wasn't ready to lose him. As hard as everything had been since she came to Destiny, she knew it would be way harder without Cam.

"You better still be around when we wake up," she said, then looked up at him. "We kinda need you."

He smiled at her suddenly, "I kinda need you too," he said with a wink.

He went over to their daughter, who was sleeping, and stroked his finger down her cheek.

"So beautiful..." he whispered.


End file.
